The Human Condition
by Castielnerdangel
Summary: Angels and humans both live in the world but are not supposed to interact unless it is required for angelic business. People are chosen at random to become angels, and they don't know about it until they grow wings one day. Once chosen, the angels are sent to isolated institutions and trained to forget their humanity and become soldiers of heaven down on Earth. Cas is chosen.
1. Chapter 1

Dean never thought he had much use for school. He hated the teachers, the students and the way a person's ability was judged by a letter on a piece of paper. He wouldn't have even considered college if it wasn't for Castiel. Castiel was his boyfriend. They met in high school, and Dean swore he would have been living in a cardboard box somewhere if it wasn't for him.

Castiel was very motivating and Dean would do anything to see him happy, even if it meant going back to school. But there were times when Dean hated that decision and the fact that Cas went to a fancy four year university and lived in a dorm with some stranger, didn't help. But Dean had to stay; he had to make his boyfriend proud. Cas was all he had, and he wasn't going to let down the one person who really cared about him.

He took a few classes at the community college and found a small apartment near there. His job at the auto shop wasn't enough to afford an apartment on his own. Michael, one of the only friends Dean made at school, took up the position of his roommate and with constant visits from Cas, Dean thought maybe this college thing wasn't going to be so bad.

That was until he had an 8 am class on a Monday morning.

Dean glanced to his right, the empty chair next to him setting his nerves on edge. He had gotten to know Michael well, and knew that kid would never ditch class unless he was actually dying.

"Hey buddy, you okay?" Dean texted him quickly, hiding his phone so the professor didn't snap at him.

Dean's eyes scanned the room, almost expecting his friend to be sitting somewhere else, but there was no sign of him. He tried to focus on the lecture but he couldn't get the empty chair out of his mind.

He checked his phone every few minutes, waiting for a response when the rustle of papers and backpacks signaled that class was over. Dean, having not taken out his notebook, swung his backpack across his shoulder and ran to beat the crowd out the door.

The community college was packed with people. It was nice out and everyone wanted to be in the sunshine. He made his way through the people and across the street to his small apartment. Michael's car wasn't in the parking lot.

Dean ran up the stairs and was panting by the time he got to the fourth floor. His keys jingled in his hands but a quick glance at the door would tell him he wouldn't need them. The door was left open but the room on the other side was dark.

Dean clenched his jaw and his fists, ready for a fight if he had to have one. He kicked the door lightly with his foot and his eyes adjusted to the dark. His first instinct was that they had been robbed. The TV was missing and so was their small sofa. As he looked around he realized many things were missing, but only Michael's things.

His roommate wouldn't bail on him without a word. Dean opened the door to Mike's room and found it completely empty. Nothing was left behind.

"What happened?" he heard someone ask behind him.

"Jesus Cas, you almost got punched" Dean gasped, lowering his hands, the presence of his boyfriend calming him a bit.

"Mike's gone. He wasn't at class and everything he owned is gone" Dean said, the reality of the only possibility finally hitting him. "You don't think he's one of them do you?"

Cas stared at him for a minute, looking around the room and collecting his thoughts before speaking. Normally people avoided the subject but there was nothing he wouldn't talk to Dean about.

"I don't know, Dean. We can hope he's not but if he doesn't reach out in the next few days, we have to accept that he's gone" Cas said, reaching for Dean's hand and leading him to the bigger sofa. Fortunately that one was Dean's to begin with.

"What am I going to do? I can't afford this place on my own" Dean said, running his hands over his eyes and sighing.

"Maybe I can move in" Cas replied, putting his hand on Dean's back "if you want."

"You'd do that?" Dean asked, his eyes meeting the blue ones, Cas's hand soothing away his stress.

"Of course, Dean."

A few weeks later Castiel had moved into his apartment, and they managed to replace everything that disappeared when Michael left. Dean's friend never texted him back, and there was no sign of him anywhere. That left only one answer.

Dean lied on his bed, staring at the ceiling when a memory came to his mind.

_"__Dean, can you tell me what the quadratic formula is?" his algebra teacher said, pulling Dean from his daydreams. "Oh…uh" he started but a scream from beside him cut him off. _

_The kid at the desk next to him had fallen from his chair and was clutching his back. All the students turned around in their desks and stared, but no one got up to help. The teacher was calling someone but Dean didn't know who._

_"__Are you alright?" Dean finally asked, kneeling beside him. _

_"__Get away from him!" the teacher yelled, running up to him and pushing Dean away from the crying boy._

_The boy's screams filled the room and a light above him burst, sending shattered glass everywhere. A blue light filled the boy's eyes before he clenched them closed. He arched his back and Dean saw a trail of red soak through the back of his shirt. _

_The light got brighter and the screams got louder. Most of the students didn't look but Dean couldn't get himself to turn away. _

_Something erupted from the boy's back. White feathers fell to the ground and Dean gasped when two large white wings ripped his shirt and spread out wide over the boy's small frame. _

_Dean's eyes grew wide as the boy groaned, drops of blood joining the feathers on the ground._

_"__Get these kids out of here" some man yelled and Dean felt a strong hand on his shoulder, pulling him from the room._

_The next day the light was fixed, everything was cleaned up and the student's desk was empty. A man in a gray suit stood at the front of the classroom, a solemn expression on his face._

_"__I'm sorry you had to see that yesterday. We try to reach people before others can see what happens to them, but we got here too late. We are truly sorry for what you saw, we hope it doesn't happen again" the man said, before giving a slight nod to the teacher and leaving the room. _

_The school day went on as normal, with no other mention of the boy or the incident of the day previously._

It wasn't until a few years later that Dean learned about the angels. People were randomly chosen to be angels and this was displayed in the growing of wings. Once a person was chosen, they were never heard from again, not even given a chance to say goodbye to their loved ones. They were sent to specific institutions outside of town that humans weren't allowed to get near. From there, Dean had no idea what happened to them.

After weeks of nothing from Michael, they knew this is what happened to him. They had just become roommates a year ago so they weren't best friends but Dean didn't have many, and he would prefer not to lose them.

The constant fear of knowing that either he or someone he loved could be taken from him kept him up at night. Castiel tried to tell him not to think about it, but after what Dean saw those many years ago, it wasn't that easy.

Dean closed his eyes and tried to push Michael from his mind. It was a part of life and he needed to accept that there was nothing he could do about it.

Dean felt fingers interlock with his own and a head rested against his chest. He didn't need to open his eyes to know who it was. He curled his arm around Cas's side and pulled him close. Cas was his, and he hoped to keep it that way.


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel woke up the next morning, rubbing a hand over his eyes and laying still while his vision cleared. He glanced around the room and was confused for a minute until he remembered the events of the prior weeks. He wasn't in his dorm room; he was in Dean's, now also his apartment.

A smile spread across his face as he glanced at Dean. His hair was sticking in all directions, and he had most of the blanket wrapped around him. His hand was hanging off the side of the bed, and his mouth was slightly open.

Cas leaned in and kissed him on the cheek "morning."

Dean grunted and rolled over, pulling the blanket up over his eyes.

Cas rolled his eyes and looked at the clock. His heart skipped a beat. 7:45. He had a class at 8 and it was the day of his anatomy exam.

"Shit, I'm late" Castiel yelled, jumping out of bed and quickly grabbing the closest articles of clothing he could find. He ran into the bathroom, tugging a shirt over his head.

Cas felt arms wrap around him as he was rapidly brushing his teeth and trying to smooth his hair down with the other hand.

"Can't you skip?" Dean whispered into his ear, placing a small kiss on his neck.

"I can't, Dean. I have an exam today" Cas said, kissing Dean quickly before running out of the bedroom.

He grabbed an apple from the counter and his keys and headed out the door just as quickly.

"Hey wait" Dean yelled after him, a backpack hanging at his side "don't forget this."

"Oh god, thank you" Cas said, his nerves spiking as he grabbed the bag from Dean.

"Good luck" he heard Dean yell as Cas was running across the sidewalk to reach his car.

He had to speed the whole way there and made it to class only a few minutes late. Cas collapsed into the closest seat to the door and ran a hand over his sweaty forehead. Great, he was burning up and a headache was pressing against his eyes. This was just what he needed right now.

_Clack clack clack. _The sound of someone's pencil drumming against their desk was setting Cas's nerves on edge, but he couldn't seem shift his attention from it.

Come on Castiel, focus on the stupid test, he tried to tell himself. He forced his eyes to read the question.

_What are the chambers of the heart called? _

Castiel read the question over and over again. He knew this. It should be simple, an easy point but he couldn't make the words come to his mind.

A new noise filled his ears. It almost sounded like a whooshing but it occurred in steady beats. It got louder and faster and filled his ears to the point where he couldn't hear anything else.

He frantically looked around the room but no one else seemed to hear it.

The noise was so loud it hurt his ears. He clutched his chest and he could feel his heart pounding and he realized the noise was his heartbeat.

He lept up from his desk, his exam falling to the floor and the students next to him turned to see what caused his sudden movement. "Help me" Castiel managed to say before he lost his balance and fell to his knees.

His professor tried to calm everyone and keep them focused on their tests as he made his way to Cas.

"What's wrong?" he asked but Castiel couldn't hear him, only see his lips moving.

A new ache filled his body and it felt like his ribs were expanding, a pressure pushing from the inside. He clenched his eyes closed and blindly reached for his phone.

He managed to dial Dean's number and after a few rings he picked up.

"That was fast. How did…" he started but Cas cut him off.

"Dean, help me" he managed to get out before the phone fell from his hands.

The ache on his ribs was getting worse and now felt like a sharp pain that kept building. He couldn't breathe and he was sweating all over.

His professor knelt down beside him and the class had given up on focusing on the exam.

Cas reached out a hand and tried to grab at the professor, wanting something to cling onto, but the professor backed away, clearing the students from around him.

"Someone….help" he gasped, drawing weak quick breaths.

A heat appeared inside him and grew until it felt like he was on fire. Cas couldn't hold it in any longer and screamed, tears running down his face.

He tried to meet someone's eyes but there was no one there but his professor, their unfinished exams lying open on the empty desks. His professor had a phone to his ear and was speaking quietly, his features looking stressed.

Cas pulled himself into the walkway and tried to drag himself to his professor but before he could start, he left the room, leaving Cas by himself.

Castiel sat up on his knees and clutched his chest. The heat and pressure intensified suddenly and Cas screamed as he felt something rip through his back. His hands went to his back and they touched something soft and sticky. They were covered in red when he pulled them away.

"Dean….Dean please" Castiel said to the open air and he saw a black feather fall to the floor beside him. No. This couldn't be happening. Castiel couldn't be an angel.

"Cas!" he heard Dean yell in the distance. He lifted his head and searched for Dean but found a man in a black suit instead.

"It's ok, Castiel. You are safe now" the man said, approaching him.

Castiel tried to push himself away but the movement sent pain through his whole body.

"Please…don't" he put his hands up to shield himself from the man.

"Hush now, you're going to be fine" the man said, putting out a hand and touching Castiel's shoulder.

The lecture hall disappeared from view and Castiel's world faded into darkness.

Dean had just poured himself a cup of coffee when the phone rang. It had only been a half hour since Cas left. There was no way he finished his exam by then.

His phone said it was Cas that was calling, he was confused and hoped it wasn't a pocket dial but he answered anyway.

"That was fast. How did…" he started but was cut off.

"Dean, help me" he heard a strained voice say. It was Cas and it didn't sound good.

"What's wrong?" Dean said, the hairs on his neck standing on end as he set his coffee down and pulled his shoes on.

"Cas, what's going on?" Dean asked again, hearing noise but no voice.

"Shit" Dean yelled before grabbing his keys and running out to his car, leaving his phone on speaker in case Cas said anything else. The sound of Cas screaming filled the car as Dean sped through red lights and skidded into the parking lot of Cas's university 10 minutes later.

Dean closed his phone and ran to the large building that Cas had showed him when he gave Dean a tour of his college.

Dean's heart was beating a million miles an hour and he was filled with anxiety, not knowing if Cas was okay or not.

There was a large crowd of people outside of the doors and Dean had to shove them to get through the crowd. Some people yelled at him and some tried to keep him back but Dean just pushed through, ignoring anyone trying to stop him.

He finally got to the door and pushed it open. The room inside was empty and Dean stepped inside, searching for Cas.

He spotted him lying in the aisle, blood leaving trails on his shirt and dripping on the ground. But he couldn't stop staring at his wings. They were large and black, dripping blood and one of the most creepy but oddly beautiful things Dean had ever seen. They stretched out behind Castiel, making him look small in comparison.

"Dean…Dean please" he heard Castiel yell from across the room.

"Cas!" Dean yelled, about to run to him when someone grabbed his shoulder. He tried to pull away but whoever it was, was strong. Too strong.

Another man in a black suit nodded to the man holding Dean and pushed through the door, walking to Cas. Dean saw him lean over Cas and touch him and then they were gone. Just disappeared.

"Cas! Castiel!" Dean yelled, pulling against the man. "He's gone. He's with us now" the man said, finally letting go of Dean. Dean fell forward at the sudden ability to move again.

He ran to where Cas was and knelt down beside it. "Give him back to me, you bastards" Dean yelled but the man was gone. The students started walking back in, acting like nothing had happened.

Dean felt anger well up inside of him. His face felt hot, and he wanted to hit something. His hands touched something wet and sticky, and he saw Castiel's blood smeared across his fingers. He felt tears well in his eyes but he refused to cry here. Not in front of these assholes.

His attention switched to something in the corner of his eye. A single, black feather. He picked it up and it felt soft and light between his fingers. He gently tucked it into his pocket and searched for Cas's stuff. He found his backpack and unfinished exam sitting at a desk not far from him.

Dean picked it up and swung it over his shoulder, pushing past the people as he left the lecture hall.

Dean arrived home a couple hours later. After the day's events he needed to clear his head, not wanting to go home and see Cas's stuff just get. It was just too much. He drove around for a while with no destination in mind before deciding he was avoiding the inevitable.

Dean hugged Castiel's backpack to his chest as he made his way to the apartment. He dropped his keys into the bowl in the entryway and turned on the light. He was almost expecting Cas to be waiting for him. The events of the day having been some strange nightmare.

But there was no Cas. It wasn't a nightmare. This was real and Castiel was gone.

Dean went to their room and noticed things were missing. All of Cas's things were gone. Even the picture on the wall of the two of them was taken from the frame.

"Fuck!" Dean yelled, another rush of anger filling him. He threw Cas's backpack across the room and collapsed against the bed. The room was half empty and now, so was Dean's life.

He buried his head in his hands and allowed himself to cry. He replayed Cas's broken voice in his head, pleading for him to help him. Dean tried, he really tried, but he couldn't. Cas was gone and it was Dean's fault.


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel woke up to a world of white. White walls, white floors, white furniture. He was lying on a white bed, wearing a plain white shirt and pants. Just about everything in his body was sore. He tried to move but something was keeping him from moving his hands. He glanced down and saw restraints wrapped around his wrists and ankles. That's when he noticed someone else in the room.

Cas tried to pull free but the restraints wouldn't budge. His eyes darted around the room and his breath started coming in short bursts. "Help! Someone help me!" he yelled, clenching his eyes closed as he pulled hard, feeling the restraints scratching against his wrists.

"Whoa, calm down. You're alright" Someone said close to him, and Cas felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Who are you? Where am I?" Cas yelled, flinching away from the guy's hand.

"I'm your roommate, Gabriel. You can call me Gabe for short" the man said, pausing and making sure they were alone. "You my friend, are in hell."

"What? Hell?" Cas asked, lying back down against the bed.

"Well technically you're in an angel institution, but same thing right?" Gabe said, laughing.

"Can you get me out of these?"

Gabriel stopped laughing and glanced at the door again, hearing something Cas couldn't. "Sorry man, I would if I could." He said quickly before returning to sit on his own bed, right as the door opened.

"Hello, Castiel. We can't tell you how happy we are to have you here. My name is Naomi, I will be monitoring your progress" A woman in a grey suit said, followed by a man who was wheeling a cart behind him.

Cas looked up at the lady and felt anger. He didn't know her, but he knew she took him from Dean, from his life.

"I don't want to be here. I don't want to be an angel" Cas spat, glaring at the man, who was wearing a sinister smirk on his face.

"This is an honor. You will grow to accept it and be proud of it" Naomi said, stopping by the side of his bed and nodding to the man.

The man was unlike the rest of the people Cas had seen. He wasn't wearing a suit, his hair was a mess, his clothes looked like what Cas wore, and he had a crazy look in his eyes.

"Castiel, we will begin your first extraction today. It varies for everyone but we expect in a few months, you will be ready to leave"

"Extraction of what?" Cas asked, fear building inside him. He tried to scoot away from the man, who was giving him a weird look, but there was only so far he could go.

"Your human soul, of course" Naomi said, no emotion showing on her face.

"Gabriel, I want to see you in my office" Naomi said, before walking out. Gabe gave a glance to Cas before following her, leaving Castiel alone with the man.

"Please, don't do this" Cas pleaded, not wanting to lose his memories, his humanity.

The man didn't say anything, he just smiled, his rotting teeth flashing. He pulled out a silver tray from the cart and fidgeted with something that looked like a needle, a very long needle.

"Please don't."

But the man didn't stop. He lifted the syringe in the air and made a point to wave it in front of Cas's face, wanting him to see how long the needle was. Fear was building, and he tried to pull against the restraints but it was no use. He wasn't going anywhere.

Cas thought the man was going to put it in his arm, but he didn't. He pointed the needle over his chest, directly over his heart.

The man gave him one last smile before plunging the needle into Castiel's chest.

Pain. That was the only thing Cas knew at that moment. The needle wasn't even the worst of it. It felt like something was being ripped from him. A piece of him was being pulled from the inside. A memory came into his head.

_Castiel was expecting the day to be the same as it always was. He would attend his classes, not talk to anyone and leave for the day, nothing exciting happened at his high school, especially not to him. But today was different. _

_"__Mind if I join you?" Castiel heard someone say. _

_He looked up at the boy, a rather attractive one at that. He glanced behind him, wondering if the boy got him confused with someone else._

_"__I'm talking to you" he said again, staring directly at Cas. _

_"__Oh, um yeah go ahead" Cas said, feeling his cheeks get red. _

_"__Thanks" he said, before sitting in the empty chair beside Cas, pulling out paper bag. _

_"__I'm Dean by the way" the boy said, taking a huge bite of his sandwich and smiling at Cas, crumbs falling on the table._

_"__Castiel" he said, almost forgetting his own name. _

_"__Well Castiel, I'm new to this hell hole, mind showing me around?" Dean said, his eyes not breaking contact._

_"__Oh of course" Cas said, smiling and barely believing what was happening. Someone was actually sitting with him, talking to him, and it was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. _

_He glanced around the cafeteria and the eyes of at least 10 girls were on the new kid. And he chose to sit with Cas. _

_Dean followed his glance and rose his eyebrows at the girls "hey ladies" he said, giving them a wink, causing them to turn away quickly and giggle, stealing less than subtle glances at Dean._

_"__Wow, you make friends fast" Cas said, before he could stop himself. _

_Dean laughed and put the rest of his sandwich in his mouth in one bite "Hey, don't be jealous. You'll always be the first" _

_Cas laughed and his cheeks turned red again. Dean clapped him on the shoulder and stole one of Cas's potato chips. That was the day the rest of the school decided Cas wasn't as weird as they thought he was. That was the day he knew he was in love with Dean Winchester. _

Castiel tried to hold onto the memory, tried to keep it close to him. But he could feel it fading, like it was slipping through his fingers and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

And then the pain stopped and Cas could hear the squeaky wheels fade into the distance as the man wheeled the cart out of the room. Cas was left in a silent room by himself. Except he didn't feel like himself. Something was missing. He didn't feel whole.

Castiel stared at the ceiling until he heard the door open again. "Please, not again" he said, not bothering to look.

"Nice to see you again too" Gabriel said, sitting on the edge of Cas's bed. Cas glanced over at him and sat up, his chest sore. He didn't even realize they removed his restraints.

"How was it?" Gabe asked sympathy in his voice.

"Like I was being ripped apart" Cas said, rubbing a hand against the bruise on his chest.

"Yeah, that's how I remembered it. It gets better every time" Gabe said, putting a hand on his shoulder. This time Cas didn't flinch from him.

"How long have you been here?" Cas asked, realizing he knew nothing about his new roommate.

"Just over two months. They say I'm stubborn and like my humanity, that's why it's taking me so long. But I also hate these angel bastards, so I'm trying anything to not be like them" he said, laughing.

A small bell rang through their room and Gabriel jumped up "come on, let's go get some grub" he said, grabbing Cas's arm and pulling him up with him. Castiel saw a pair of white shoes beside his bed and he slipped inside of them.

He followed Gabriel out of their room and looked around. They were one room of many in a long white hallway. There were windows everywhere and the hallway was even brighter than their room. It was suddenly filled with people. Everyone was wearing the same white outfit that Cas was. Some looked normal; others looked like they were lacking all emotion. Cas hoped he wouldn't get like that.

"Come on, I have a shortcut" Gabe said, grabbing Cas's arm and pulling him in the opposite direction of everyone else. Cas looked at all the people as they passed.

One face stuck out to him 'Michael" he said "Michael!" trying to get the man's attention. "It's me, Castiel" he said, when the man looked at him.

"I'm sorry, I don't know you" Michael said, continuing to walk. Cas stared at him in shock. He was just taken a few weeks ago and he had already forgotten him.

"Come on, don't let it get to you" Gabe said, pushing Cas forward. They turned a corner and were in a very empty hallway. Gabe started to run, and Cas ran after him, not knowing where they were going. After a few more turns, Gabe pushed through a door and they were in a large cafeteria.

There were rows and rows of tables. Cas looked at the cafeteria and his mouth fell open. "Yeah, this place is bigger than it looks" Gabe said, pulling him to the food line. Cas saw a line at the front of the cafeteria, the other people swiping cards to get in. He guessed that is what he would have to do if he wasn't with Gabe.

"My way's cheaper" Gabriel said, smiling as he scooped large amounts of potatoes and roast beef onto his plate. Castiel grabbed a hamburger and followed him to a table, sitting on the end.

"I'll show you all I know about this place. You'll be a master in no time" Gabe said, smiling and shoveling food into his mouth. Cas smiled for the first time that day. Gabriel was the only comforting thing about this place, and Cas would take what he could get.


	4. Chapter 4

"God damn it Sam, answer the phone" Dean yelled, his anger increasing with every ring. Dean was pacing the floor of what was now Cas's empty bedroom.

"Hello? Dean?" Sam asked on the other end, his voice helping soothe Dean's anger a bit.

"Sammy, I need your help. Please. I have no one else to go to" Dean said, his voice cracking as his throat clenched up.

"Dean, what's wrong? Are you alright?" Sam asked, his voice sounding distressed.

"It's Cas, they took him. The fucking angels took Cas…" he yelled before his voice broke and tears rushed down his cheeks.

The line got silent and Dean had thought for a minute that Sam hung up on him. He tried to pull it together for his younger brother, getting his breathing back under control.

"Is there anything we can do?" Sam asked his voice soft and quiet.

"I don't know man, but we gotta do something. Please, help me."

"I will Dean, I will" Sam sighed "get some rest; I'll drive down there tomorrow."

"Yeah, ok. Thanks Sammy" Dean said, wiping a hand over his eyes.

"Of course Dean" Sam said, hanging up the phone.

Dean set the phone down and leaned against the wall. The room in front of him was empty and dark. He bent his knees and slid down the wall, tears finally free to fall from his eyes. Dean put his head in his hands and sobbed in a way he had never done before.

The next morning Dean woke up, still sprawled out on the carpet in Cas's room. His back was stiff and he was still wearing his clothes. He glanced at his phone, the bright screen hurting his eyes. It was already almost 11, and he had already skipped one class today. But class wasn't what mattered to him anymore.

A loud pounding broke over the silence of the apartment. Dean groaned as he pulled himself up, running a hand through his hair.

He glanced out the peep hole and saw his overly tall brother.

"Sam, thanks for coming" Dean said, as he opened the door and pulled him into a hug. Sam hugged him back but pulled away to look at Dean.

"You look like shit. Did you sleep at all?" Sam asked, stepping into the apartment.

"Not really" Dean said, closing the door behind him and moving over to the sink in the kitchen. He cupped his hands under the water and wiped off his face before offering Sam a beer. Sam waved him off and leaned against the counter.

Dean shrugged his shoulders and popped the lid on the beer he offered Sam. He took a large swig as his brother watched in worry.

"So tell me what happened. Exactly" Sam said.

Dean explained the events of the previous day. Everything was normal until he got that call from Cas. He told him how he got to the lecture hall just as Cas was being taken away. How everyone seemed to think that this was normal, and no one did a thing to stop it.

"That's just wrong. We're going to find him Dean. I promise" Sam reassured, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder.

Dean nodded and took another drink of beer, trying to think of any way that saving Cas was a possibility. They would have to not only find the institution that Cas was being kept, but they would have to find a way to break in, rescue Cas and get out without being noticed.

"Any plans?" Dean asked after a few minutes of thinking. Sam had a crease in his forehead as he was deep in thought.

"Well, our first plan should be to figure out where he is, then we can go from there" Sam replied, knowing it wasn't anything to get Dean's hopes up.

Dean motioned them towards the table, and Sam removed his laptop from his bag. Dean smiled a little: Sam could always be trusted to have his computer with him.

They searched the internet, starting with a general search of angels. When that didn't give them anything useful, they tried chat rooms or websites but either no one wanted to talk about it or the websites had been shut down.

After a few hours, both of them were tempted to call it a day and try a different tactic when Dean's phone signaled that he had an email. He was going to ignore it, but he knew if he didn't look at it now, he probably never would. He was lazy like that.

He opened the email, expecting it to be another spam message but it was from a name he didn't know.

All it read was:

Go to this website. It will help you find Castiel.

"Sam, type in this link" Dean said as he read off the name for a website advertising Christmas decorations.

Sam gave him a skeptical look but typed it in anyways. A page appeared advertising products ranging from Christmas trees to house lights. Dean sighed and discarded the email. He figured it was someone trying to make a joke.

Sam kept scrolling through the page though. He clicked on the category of Tree Toppers. And then he clicked Angels. The page came up with hundreds of results. A box popped up that said "Find your angel here."

Sam glanced sideways at Dean "might as well try it" he said before clicking the box.

The window redirected and a search box came up instructing him to type a name.

_Castiel Novak. Search._

_Searching…._

Dean held his breath while the computer searched. He knew it was probably a long shot but it was the only hope he had right now.

_1 result found._


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey, wake up" Castiel felt a sharp poke on his shoulder and his eyes slowly opened, bombarded by bright light from the windows. The figure above him focused and it was the rotten grin he recognized first.

"Oh, please no. Please don't do this" Castiel pleaded, trying to sit up but was once again held down by restraints.

"Save your breath" the man said, holding a large syringe in front of Castiel's face, causing fear and anger to spread through his body. Castiel felt tears fill his eyes as he clenched them shut, knowing looking at the needle will only make it worse.

The mad laughed and shortly after he felt a stab in his chest and the painful sensation that something was being ripped from him.

_Castiel was sitting at the public library table, a large book open in front of him. He tried to focus on the words but the only thing he could think of was Dean Winchester's face. He had only known him for a few months now, but his life had changed. Dean made him feel worthy, made him feel loved._

_Castiel jumped when he felt arms wrap around him. _

_"__Come on, I want to show you something" Dean whispered in his ear, pulling Cas from his book, receiving a disapproving look from the librarian. _

_"__Dean, where are we going?" he asked, clutching Dean's hand tightly and trying to keep up. _

_"__You'll see" Dean responded, looking back at him as he led Cas across the parking lot to his car. _

_Castiel got into the passenger seat and waited for Dean to say something as they pulled out into the street. Dean stayed quiet though and drove somewhere Cas wasn't familiar with. He finally put the car into park and got out, smiling at Cas as he did the same. _

_"__Dean…" Cas started but was cut off by the view in front of him. The car was parked on the side of a small cliff that overlooked the city. The sunset was orange and vivid all around him. _

_There was a blanket spread out on the ground and Dean led them to it. _

_"__I know tonight is prom night, but prom is for losers" Dean started, making Cas laugh "I still wanted to do something special for you though."_

_"__Dean, this is beautiful" Cas replied, staring out as the sun slowly disappeared, turning the sky a dark red that slowly turned blue and then black. _

_They laid on the blanket for hours, watching the stars appear, making wishes on the shooting stars. The night wasn't cold, but Dean pulled him close anyway, whispering in his ear "I love you."_

_Castiel glanced up at him, the moonlight reflecting in Dean's green eyes. His heart skipped a beat and his cheeks got hot. "I love you too Dean" he said, leaning in to kiss his lips._

Castiel awoke, already feeling the memory fading from his mind. He tried his hardest to recall it, but in a few minutes it was completely gone. The restraints had been removed and again he sat up to a sharp ache in his chest. The door to his room opened and Gabriel peeked his head inside.

"Mind if I come in?" he asked.

Castiel didn't say anything, and just nodded.

"Want to talk about it?" Gabe asked, sitting on the corner of Cas's bed.

"Why do they do this to us? What did we ever do to them?" Castiel asked, anger filling him.

"The million dollar question" Gabriel replied, shaking his head. "Those bastards have stuck the needle in me about twenty times so far. It's difficult, and I have lost my memories, but I refuse to let it change me."

"Some people here give up. They lose their humanity after only a few weeks and then they're gone. I don't want to end up like that. If I'm leaving this place, it's going to be on my own terms and with as much humanity as I can manage" Gabriel told him, staring at Castiel.

"Think about what makes you human, and never let it go" he added, putting a hand on Cas's shoulder before standing up and moving to his own bed.

Castiel nodded and laid back down, closing his eyes but not sleeping. He replayed the good and bad memories of his life, letting them fill his head. He started from his first memories and went to some of his most recent. He pictured Dean's face, counted every freckle and stared into those green eyes. Nothing was going to take that image from him.

He tried to remember when they first met, but he couldn't bring it to his mind. It was like trying to remember a dream after you wake up. He knew it happened, but he couldn't recall it no matter how hard he tried. Giving up, he opened his eyes. "Gabriel?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"Have you ever tried getting out of here?"

"Many times. This place is like fortress. Every time I try, they catch me. And they aren't light about punishment" Gabe replied, his usual optimism disappearing.

"I need to get out of here."

"You and me both" Gabriel answered, his arms were tucked behind his head, and he was staring at the ceiling. Castiel glanced over at him, but didn't say anything else. He felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. Holding onto his humanity was going to be harder than he thought.


	6. Chapter 6

_1 result found…_

Dean stared at the computer screen, his heart racing. He knew he was probably getting his hopes up, but this was all he had.

The page was taking dreadfully long to load when finally a map popped up. The map was zoomed in on a forest, a small gray square in the dead center of it.

"What's that?" Dean asked, pointing at it. Sam tried to zoom in on it, but nothing popped up. A small gray square in the middle of the forest was all they were getting. "Do you think Cas is in there?"

"He has to be" Dean replied, watching as Sam sent the map to his email and Dean's.

Dean jumped up and grabbed his duffle bag, shoving his guns and knives into it, and the closest clothing items he could find.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Sam asked, looking at him in concern.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going to get Cas back" Dean snapped, pushing random things into his bag.

"Dean, slow down. I know you want to go get him, but we need to think about this. We need some sort of plan."

"Like hell we do, I'm getting him Sammy. Don't try and stop me" Dean yelled, glaring at his brother.

"I'm not trying to stop you. I just think you need to take a moment to think about this. Going there now would be a death sentence."

Dean paused. He knew his brother was right. He wasn't thinking, he just wanted to get Cas back.

He let his bag fall onto the bed and his shoulders slumped. It was too much. It was all too much. He felt his cheeks heat up and pressure built behind his eyes. He turned the opposite direction, not wanting his brother to see him fighting back tears.

"Dean…we'll get him back" Sam spoke quietly, knowing that Dean was hurting "I promise."

Dean nodded but didn't say anything. He focused on collecting himself before turning back to Sam.

"So, what's our plan?"

Sam and Dean sat at the kitchen table thinking all day, but by the time the sun went down neither of them had any good ideas. Neither one knew much about angels, especially not enough to form any plan.

"I say we take a breather for now and see if we can contact anyone who knows anything. We need help Dean" Sam started "we can't go up against them on our own."

"But who Sam? Who would want to risk their asses to come help us?" Dean asked, running his hands over his tired face.

"I don't know, but we'll figure it out. We always do" Sam said, putting a hand on Dean's shoulder "you look terrible, get some sleep, and I'll make some calls."

Dean wanted to argue with him, but Sam was right. He couldn't think without sleep and he was no good to anyone the way he was right now. He stood up and turned towards the door but paused "thank you Sammy" he said before disappearing into his room.

"Get some sleep Dean" he heard Sam call after him.

Dean didn't even bother changing; he collapsed facedown into his bed and was asleep as his head hit the pillow. But the dreams to come made him wish he was still awake.

_"__Dean…Dean" a hoarse voice whispered. Dean's eyes opened, everything black until his vision adjusted. There was a figure a few feet away. It was a man. He was slumped on his knees, his arms pulled out to his sides by chains connected to the walls. Dean's heart jumped when he realized he recognized the figure. Pained blue eyes stared back at him. _

_"__Cas!" Dean yelled, trying to reach for him, but his arms wouldn't move. He glanced down at what was stopping him from moving. He was tied to a chair, his arms and legs bound. _

_"__Now, Dean Winchester, you get to see the inevitable" a voice to his left spoke "Castiel will become an angel, and there's nothing you can do to stop it."_

_A man in a black suit, the same man who took Cas, nodded to someone Dean couldn't see, and more figures entered the room. _

_They surrounded Castiel, forming a semi-circle behind him. "Bring the wings forward" the man commanded. Two more figures entered the room, holding something large._

_They entered the light and Dean gasped at what he saw. Supported between them were two large, beautiful, black wings. The feathers seemed to glisten in the light. _

_The figures brought the wings to the others sitting behind Castiel. _

_"__Dean, help me…" Castiel pleaded, his eyes staring directly into Dean's, fear filling them. _

_"__Don't touch him" Dean yelled, pulling hard against his restraints, but with no luck. _

_The figures lifted the wings up to Castiel's back and two of them grabbed at something on a table next to them. They lifted it into the air and Dean got a glimpse of it, his heart racing._

_"__Leave him alone you bastards!" Dean yelled, but they didn't even flinch. _

_Two of the men were holding long strands of course string connected to large curved hooks. They pierced one hook into one side of the wings and through Castiel's back, pulling the string through._

_Castiel gritted his teeth and tried to keep noise from escaping his mouth. _

_"__God damn it" Dean yelled, wanting to turn away, but he knew Cas needed him. _

_They continued stitching the wings onto Cas's back, each stitch causing more pain than the last. Castiel kept his composure though, and didn't give them the satisfaction of screaming. _

_By the time the wings were in place, blood was dripping down Castiel's back and his eyes were bloodshot and tired. Dean stared at him "it's okay Cas, it's over. I'm going to get you out of here, I promise" Dean said, trying to comfort him. _

_Castiel didn't say a word, just stared right back at him, his face strained and weak. _

_"__I promise" Dean said again. _

_Castiel looked at him, this time with confusion on his face. _

_"__Cas?"_

_"__Who are you?" Castiel asked, looking as if he had never seen Dean before in his life. Fear filled Dean as realization took over. Cas didn't remember him. Castiel was gone. _

Dean awoke suddenly; sweat sticking his shirt to his back. He looked around and tried to shake the image of the broken version of Cas from his mind.

Dean had no idea what time it was when he shuffled out into the living room. Sam was sprawled out on the couch, his feet hanging off the end. He glanced at the clock 6:07 it read.

He went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He didn't care right now that it was only six in the morning.

He quietly sat down in front of Sam's computer and tried to do some research. Someone must know something about the institutions the angels bring people to. After an hour, he gave up and closed the laptop. He walked back into the living room just in time to see Sam stretch and sit up.

"Morning sleepy head" Dean said, smiling a little. Sam was always the one to wake up first.

"Somehow you look even worse. Did you sleep at all?" Sam asked, yawning and running a hand through his rumpled hair.

"Not much. You?" Dean asked, sitting on the chair opposite his brother.

"A little, although I stayed up late making calls. I might have a plan" Sam said.

"What is it?" Dean asked, jumping up and moving closer to Sam.

"You're not going to like it" Sam said, glancing up at his brother.

"Sam, just spit it out."

"Well remember one of dad's old friends, Bobby Singer?" Sam paused "well I talked to him last night and he said while people are normally chosen to become angels, people can volunteer. If one of us volunteers and works from the inside with one of us out here, we could have a shot."

Dean shook his head "That's too risky."

"This whole thing is risky, Dean" Sam replied "In order to volunteer to become an angel, a person needs to have a pretty decent track record, if you get what I mean. And no offense, but yours isn't exactly angel material."

"If you're saying you want to go in there, you're crazy. I'm not letting that happen" Dean yelled, standing up and glaring at Sam.

"Think about it Dean, we don't have much other choice. This could be our only chance."

"No, absolutely not. If something goes wrong, I can't lose both of you" Dean snapped, running a hand nervously through his hair.

"It won't go wrong. I know you well enough to know you wouldn't let that happen. Please, let me do this" Sam pleaded, standing up to face Dean.

Dean shook his head and tried to look anywhere but Sam's eyes. There had to be another way. There had to. The more he thought about it though, the more he realized there wasn't any other way. Sam was right, it was their only chance.


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel shuffled his feet towards the cafeteria, following the large crowd of people through the hallways. He hadn't seen Gabriel in almost a week, and he had forgotten the shortcut. The line took what felt like forever, and Castiel's stomach rumbled as he swiped his ID card.

He grabbed the first thing he saw, and found a table as far away from everyone else as possible. Glancing around the room, he noticed some people were talking and laughing with others, while some were staring blankly ahead in silence. Their transitions were almost complete.

"Long time huh Cas" he heard someone say. Gabriel put a large tray of what looked like mostly desserts down on the table, and sat down opposite him. Cas instantly felt his mood lighten as he smiled "you have no idea how good it is to see a familiar face" he said, relief spreading over him.

"Where have you been?" he asked, biting into an overcooked hamburger.

"The feathered douche bags are getting a little impatient with my progress, they went at it especially hard this last week with the needle" he said, pulling his shirt down a little to reveal about 15 bright red marks.

"All this week?!"Castiel asked, shocked that Gabe was even still talking to him "are you…" his voice died out, not sure how to ask that question.

"Still me?" Gabriel replied "sort of. I can still feel my humanity, but my memories are fading fast. I obviously still have a sweet tooth though" he laughed, shoving a large bite of cake in his mouth.

Cas smiled a little. Gabriel was definitely a fighter, and he wasn't letting the angels win easily.

"Anyways, I think I might have a plan to get us out of here" Gabe mumbled between bites of cake.

Castiel's head shot up "how?" he asked, leaning forward, and lowering his voice.

"I've heard from the gossip in this place, that if you want to just get the transition over quickly, they take you to a special room, and remove your humanity all at once" Gabriel started "Now this is risky, the few people who have tried it, haven't survived, but it is completely voluntary. But the best part is that it is in a separate building, meaning a venture into the outside world, even just for a few minutes. This can't be done just with one needle; it takes more advanced equipment, which is why it is housed in another building."

Gabriel paused, to make sure no one around them was listening in.

"I will volunteer myself, tell them that it is just taking too long. When they take me to the next building, I will need you to create a distraction somehow near the door. The guards will be preoccupied with you, I will deal with the one escorting me, and then I'll make a run for it."

Cas nodded, trying to visualize it in his head "How will I get out? And besides, won't the angels just fly to you and catch you before you have a chance to get anywhere?"

"Well of course I would come back for you once I got a better plan together. But you have got a lot more time than I do, it's now or never for me" Gabriel said, sadness entering his voice "And to your second question, there are wards put up across the whole premises, making it impossible for anyone to fly on the grounds. There's only one room where it works, and that is the room they take you to right after you grow your wings...I've been here a long time, I notice things" he added, seeing the skeptical look on Cas's face.

Castiel thought about it, and shook his head "It's really risky. If you fail, then you have already committed to speeding up the process, you will be turned right away" Cas said, feeling panicked "besides, what makes you think you can take on an angel?"

Gabriel was working on a piece of apple pie, swallowing what was in his mouth before speaking.

"The way I look at is, I am doomed if I don't try, so I might as well give it a shot. I don't really have anything to lose" he said, shoveling another bite into his mouth "I may not be particularly strong, but I am fast. I have to at least try."

Castiel nodded, knowing this was the end of the conversation. Gabriel was going to do it with or without his help.

A loud noise rang out across the room, signaling the end to dinner hour. Gabriel led them out of the cafeteria, bypassing the crowd. "We'll do this tomorrow. Meet me here at 10am, and we'll finalize the plan" he said, before turning into his room, leaving Castiel alone in the hallway.

A knock on the door pulled Dean out of his thoughts. He grunted as he lifted himself off the couch, making his way to the door.

"Dean…" the man at the door said. Under the worn out baseball cap was a face Dean would remember forever, a familiar face: Bobby Singer. He was their dad's best and oldest friend, and he was pretty much like an uncle to the boys growing up. He was also a wealth of information, and he always seemed to surprise Dean with the range of unusual topics in which he knew about.

"Bobby, thank god" Dean replied, pulling him in for a tight hug. He let go, and invited him inside, offering him a beer as they sat on the couch. Sam shuffled out from the guest bedroom, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He looked terrible, and Dean figured he didn't sleep any better than he did last night.

"So what's the plan here?" Bobby asked, taking a long swig of the beer, despite it being only 10 in the morning.

Dean shook his head and popped the cap on a beer for himself "right now we don't really have one" Dean started "or at least not a good one."

"All we know is that I'm going to volunteer to become an angel, which I assume you do by praying, then from there we haven't quite gotten the details figured out" Sam sat in a chair opposite Dean, running his hands through his messy hair.

"I don't like this, Sam" Bobby replied, giving Sam a concerned look "neither do I" Dean added.

"I'm not too excited about it either, but we don't have much choice. If you want a shot at getting Cas back, this is the only way to do it" Sam said.

Dean sighed, no matter how many times he tried to convince himself that it was the only choice, he just couldn't wrap his mind around the idea. Every part of it just felt wrong.

Dean closed his eyes before nodding, knowing Sam didn't need his approval anyways, and he was going to do it whether Dean liked it or not. He might as well support him in it.

"Okay, so let's assume they let me in, let me become an angel, then how am I going to keep in touch with you?" Sam asked.

"Well there are no cell phones in there, so we need to think of something" Dean said, pointing out the obvious.

"I don't think we can boys" Bobby said solemnly, "they cut you off from everything once you're in" he added.

"I'll be on my own" Sam said, the realization kicking in.

"Well how about we pick a day when you will try to escape with Cas. You do your thing on your end, and Bobby and I will be waiting on the outside for you." Dean said, knowing that was about as much of a plan as they were going to get.

Sam nodded "give me a week inside, long enough to learn the ins and out of the place and formulate a plan with Cas, then we'll find a way out of there."

The thought of Sam being in that place for a week was something Dean didn't like thinking about. He could only imagine the damage they could do on him in a week. Then the thought hit him that Cas had been in there for over two weeks now, he wondered if he even remembered Dean existed by now.

"Time is not on our side" Sam said "we'll do this tomorrow" he added, his forehead creasing as he stared at Dean.

Dean looked up "then tonight we go out and drink. We need to be prepared that this doesn't work, so we treat this as your last night as a human."

Sam nodded, getting silent. There was a heavy darkness in the room. They all knew that this could very well be the las t day they saw Sam, at least as himself.

Later that night, Bobby, Sam, and Dean were on their third round of drinks when Dean spotted a girl glancing over at them, not so subtly.

"Oh dude, she is so into you" Dean laughed, elbowing Sam and raising his eyebrows in her direction. Sam followed his gaze, and smiled at the girl. She smiled back, running a hand through her hair, a bright pink drink in the other hand.

"Go over there, Sammy" Dean said, nudging his brother in that direction. Sam cleared his throat, and smiled awkwardly at her before turning away "No, Dean. There is something else I would rather do" he said, pulling out his phone.

Dean gave him a puzzled look, watching as Sam swiped through his contacts "Whatcha doing?" he asked, getting shushed by Sam. He glanced at Bobby, but he looked just as confused.

Sam swiped until he got to a contact under the name "Jess" and it all made sense. Sam had a crush on her since he was old enough to pay attention to girls. From the minute Sammy first told Dean about her, Dean knew Sam was in love. Despite his attempts though, they never dated, and even though Sam said he was over her, Dean knew that was a lie.

Sam waited for the phone to dial, stepping away from Dean and Bobby, despite Dean's frowns.

"Hey Jess, its Sam…Sam Winchester" he heard his brother say before he was too far away for Dean to hear any more of the conversation.

Dean watched as his brother's smile grew with each passing minute. Finally, Sam hung up his phone and rejoined their group, a visible blush on his face.

So Sammy, did you confess your undying love to her?" Dean asked, clapping Sam on the shoulder and laughing.

"Actually, I did" Sam replied, the smile disappearing from his face, as the reality of what he just did set in.

"And?" Dean asked, prying for anything he could.

"She said she's always liked me too, and that I would have to take her for dinner in order to make up for all those years of not making a move."

"Way to go, Sammy" Dean proudly yelled in excitement.

"See kid, now you for sure need to make it back, you have a lady waiting for you" Bobby said, smiling at Sam, and going to grab them more beers.

"Take it from me Sam, girls don't like it when you ditch out on dinner" Dean said, his smile faltering a little. That was all that was said about their plan for the rest of the night. They all knew perfectly well the risks of what could happen if Sam went to the angels, but this was Sam's night, and they tried to keep it light.

They spent the rest of the night drinking and eating their way through Sam's favorite spots. Dean even agreed to go to a salad bar, just to make Sam happy. By the time the night was over, they were all full and thoroughly drunk as they crashed back at Dean's place. None of them slept easy that night.

The next morning Sam was awake before anyone else was. He put on a pot of coffee and wrote out a note to Dean, leaving it on the coffee table for him to find when he woke up.

When that was done with coffee and breakfast, he looked around the room one more time, thinking about Dean and Bobby in the other rooms. It made him sad to leave them this way, but he knew it would be easier for all of them if he left without any goodbyes.

He cleared his throat and stood in the middle of the room. He clasped his hands together and closed his eyes.

"My name is Sam Winchester, and I want to volunteer to become an angel…" he started, trying not to talk too loudly to wake Dean or Bobby up.

"I surrender my body and my soul to the holy, and profess my full obedience to you" he continued, jumping a little when he felt a woosh of air pass over him. He opened his eyes, and his hands dropped as he stared at the man in front of him.

"You wish to give yourself to us, to become an angel of the lord?" the man asked, setting a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Yes, I do" Sam nodded, trying to hide his fear.

The angel stared into his eyes, and Sam knew he was viewing every part of his life, analyzing every detail. "Very well, we accept you, Sam Winchester" the angel said, his hand squeezing Sam's shoulder hard.

Sam blinked and they were in a white room, his stomach turned and he felt the need to vomit. "You will undergo your transition here, you will no longer be Sam Winchester when your time here is done" the angel said. Sam looked around the room. It was all white, and there was nothing in the room, except a tray with the biggest syringe Sam had ever seen.

"The process is different for volunteers, you don't have grace in you already, therefore we will need to inject it into you" the angel starter, reaching for the syringe "you will grow wings, and then we will start your further treatment" he added, wrapping his hand around the syringe. He moved so quickly then that Sam didn't even have time to react.

The needle was being plunged into his chest, a searing pain followed as the blue liquid was injected into him. He groaned, and dropped to his knees. The pain radiated out from his heart, spreading across every inch of his body. He could feel the grace ripping through every part of him, mixing with his blood, with his soul. The angel withdrew the needle, and turned to leave the room.

"If your body and soul accepts the grace, you will grow wings, and we will be back in to get you" the angel started "if not, then thank you for your offer, your faith and bravery are commendable" he added, exiting through the only door in the room, leaving Sam alone.

He was writhing on the floor, clutching at his chest. It felt like something was searing its way through him, and his vision danced in front of his eyes. He grabbed at his shirt and pulled it down; blue veins were appearing from over his heart, spreading outward. He couldn't tell if his body was accepting or rejecting the grace.

The pain grew, and Sam could feel himself sweating. He squeezed his eyes closed, gritting his teeth. It grew and grew, until nothingness took over. The world fell out from beneath him, and all he saw was white.

A brilliant white light consumed him, consumed everything, and Sam Winchester slept.


End file.
